Bonus Post: Bravery usually involves fear.

I'm about to write my wins.

This is my Wins Journal. As you can see, I take my Journaling seriously.

I only write the wins. If the entire day was a dumpster fire, then I will remark on the majestic colors the flames produced as the sun set.

Only. Wins. OnlyWins.

Today, I am writing about special wins.

These involved bravery.

My days don't normally involve bravery. They usually involve grocery lists. Mundane, you see.

Today, though, much occurred, and I've been on this “Do no harm, take no shit” kind of wave. The second part of that sentence is the part that seemed to have arisen while I was out in the world.

To summarize:

I stood up for myself, loudly. My voice shook, as did my body, and I hate it when my eyes want to cry and I'm yelling internally “I'm angry, not sad! I'm tough, not a cry baby woman!” but dang it the tears flowed anyway. Nevertheless, I was heard. The bravery part for me was that was I was willing to not budge (regardless of my stupid angry tears that just looked sad *sighs*) until my voice was heard.

But for real, I was afraid too.

In another instance, I asked for what I wanted and didn't hold back. I asked for all of the things.

And got it all with absolutely no hesitation.

Asking for what I want is not difficult, but I often hedge because I'm not sure I can get it all in one go. So asking for all of the things was frightening.

Bravery.

Finally, I took very good care of myself post-tournament, unapologetically. I did the massage and the sauna and the relaxing music and Carter walked on my back wondering what in the heck was happening, then I took care of my family.

It's the unapologetically part that required gumption. I earned this.

Ever wake up in awe of yourself? Like, “I did that”?

Me this morning.

Y'all, I didn't even win. But knowing you used every bit of knowledge your coach gave you, in the moment of battle—exhilaration unmatched, I'm tellin’ you. I'm eager to get to fencin’.

So that massage and steam and roller ball deals (what are they?) and the eucalyptus and Luther Vandross crooning…chile.

Unapologetic.

Do the thing, if you can. Sometimes simply trying is enough to break through. Fear may be involved. That's OK. Your voice might shake. That's OK.

That's what makes you brave.

Or, I could be totally hopped up from yesterday still so I am taking more chances and taking up more space in a way that winning athletes tend to do when they are learning their strengths through actual competition.

And that's pretty powerful too.

PS Write it down so that when you feel you just can't but ya gotta, you can remind yourself who you are with your actual wins.

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