Zero Panic at the [insert venue]

While at the [insert paid content], I decided that I would be both fashionable and comfortable. Turns out, gold shoes with red satin works.

High heeled shoes look great but I just cannot. It’s hard to find wide high heeled shoes. They make me feel vulnerable because I can’t take off in a sprint if I see a dog I need to pet. I can never find a pair that don’t hurt after a couple of seconds.

These [insert paid content] are different. I can’t believe they’re doing all that in four inches or more.

Where the heck am I? What am I doing? Who am I with? Why am I here? What is happening?

If you want answers, a $5 a month subscription will do it.

PS. The paid subscribers and I have been discussing this weekend all weekend already.